Esteemed friends, this is the Rules of love section.
I will be posting chapters from Richard Templar's bestseller Rules of Love. Stay tuned for this section every Saturday.
FIRST RULE: BE YOURSELF
Isn’t it so tempting to reinvent yourself when you meet some- body new who you really like—try and be who you think they are looking for? You could become sophisticated, or maybe strong, silent, and mysterious. At the very least, you could stop embarrassing yourself by making jokes at inappropriate mo- ments or being pathetic when dealing with problems.
Actually, no you couldn’t. You might manage it for an evening or two, or even a month or two, but it’s going to be tough keeping it up forever. And if you think this person is the one—you know, the one—then you might be spending the next half century or so with them. Just imagine, 50 years of pretending to be sophisti- cated or suppressing your natural sense of humor.
That’s not going to happen, is it? And would you actually want a lifetime of lurking behind some sham personality you’ve cre- ated? Imagine how that would be, unable ever to let on that this wasn’t really you at all, for fear of losing them. Suppose they find out in a few weeks or months or years, when you finally crack? They’re not going to be very impressed.
Let’s be clear. I’m not saying you shouldn’t try to turn over the occasional new leaf or improve yourself a bit. We should all be doing that all the time, and not only in our love life. Sure, you can try to be a bit more organized, or less negative. Changing your behavior is all fine and good.
This Rule is about changing your basic personality. That will NOT work, and you’ll tie your- self in knots trying to do it convincingly.
So be you. Might as well get it all out in the open now—if it’s not who they’re looking for, at least you won’t get in too deep before they find out. And you know what? Maybe they don’t actually like sophisticated. Perhaps strong silent types don’t do it for them. Maybe they’ll love your upfront sense of humor. Perhaps they want to be with someone who needs a bit of look- ing after.
You see, if you fake it, you’ll attract someone who belongs with a person that isn’t you. And how will that help?
Somewhere out there is someone who wants exactly the kind of person you are, complete with all the flaws and failings you come with. And I’ll tell you something else—they won’t even see them as flaws and failings. They’ll see them as part of your unique charm. And they’ll be right.
Tell me what you think in the comments section