Welcome my jolly good friends as we continue this descent down memory lane.
(Inside SS1B mathematics class)
"Bolu stand up and come and answer this question"
Mrs Ajani said.
Leaning against Bukola Opabisi's locker and facing the board while Bukola secretly offered prayers to God for invincibility from the teachers scope of vision.
Like a newly paid 'Yahoo boy's walk to the bank counter,
Bolu swaggered to the black board while the whole class looked in envy
For he was the scholar whose acumen for solving mathematics, was unrivaled.
Like an enthusiastic anatomy lecturer dissecting the composition of a cadaver (corpse) to a group of students, Bolu started breaking down the equation.
Solving in bytes and bits
Unwrapping the answer like a son carefully unveils his mother's Christmas gift with a plastered smile on his face.
Within three minutes, he was done and the teacher ordered a huge round applause for him.
"You stand up (pointing). What is your name"
Asked Mrs Ajani as she pointed at my direction
"She is calling you" I said.
Touching Kunle Bakare by the arm while praying that the teacher would affirm my actions.
"Emi ke! NOO"
Iwo gan gan ni auntie npe (you are the one auntie is calling)
Kunle replied. His gaze firmly fixed on the pages of his New General Mathematics textbook.
Praying that I would fall into the very trap that I wanted to push him into.
Like Achilles and Hector in the famed Trojan war, our prayers fought all the way to heaven.
Like the smell of Abel's sacrifice, God loved and accepted Kunle's prayer.
"I am talking to you, Kosi abi what is your name. Stand up and come and answer this question"
Shouted Mrs Ajani again.
Her anger visibly growing at the moment
For we were in the month of Ramadan.
The sacred month of fasting when tempers easily rose due to the hunger and worms that gnawed their intestines.
"Aunty mathematics na wetin be dis o.
You just dey stress me, dey vex me.
Na wich kain yawa be dis eh"
This *oga police* song by Psquare lept to my lips while I walked to the black board like a cow to the slaughter.
Knowing that her class period would end within seven minutes,
I set about a plan to run down the minutes.
"Auntie. Which one should should I solve?
Number 1 or number 2?" I asked.
Putting on my best imitation of a very dull student.
"Ode. Can't you see that your classmate has answered the first one. Answer the second one o jare" she replied.
Like the lazy sloth in the movie Zootopia,
I picked up the duster in slowed motion and cleaned the whole board (five minutes to go)
"Ah ah. See this child. Why did you clean the full board?" She asked in bewildered tone while some classmates like Leye and Okewale Akin smiled.
For they had coded this trick and had twice used it successfully.
"Auntie, the space is too small for me to solve it and I want to make it very big for everybody to see" I said.
Gently stressing the syllables to make the seconds pass by. (*Three minutes to go* my inner timer pinged)
"Oya be quick about that and answer the question" she said while looking at her watch and smiling to Olori Oyelade, our Yoruba teacher who was standing by the window in preparation for her class.
So 2a plus 2b will give us 4ab bah? Take the A from left side and add to B on the right. Then.. hmm"
These incoherent words I muttered while I tried to mimic Bolus' method of explanation.
On and on I continued.
Writing wrong equations and cleaning them immediately.
All the while facing the teachers direction.
As I knew of her unsavory habit of flogging a student on the back if he/she wrongly solved a question on the board.
In frustration, Auntie ordered me to get away from the board as she arose from her leaning position and came towards the board.
Like a African man seeing a white clothed figure moving in the midst of the night,
I fled towards my seat.
Grinning at the small victory I had just recorded and fist bumping Yinka Ajanis' knuckles which he stretched out with a congratulatory intent.
As I was about to seat down,
Rasak Layiwola shouted *FREEZE* and my heart skipped.
As my index and middle fingers were not crossed at the moment (image below).
Meaning he had the right to collect everything I had on me while I was to remain perfectly still like a figurine.
Wailing words that erupted from my lips.
My stomach screamed back in a solidarity chant.
For my back pockect held my last two hundred naira.
An amount I intended to spend in the Tuck shop during the second break.
Like a lion closing in for a kill,
Rasak came closer.
His lips parting in a hideous smile like the hyena upon seeing a trapped bird.
Dipping his hands into my back pockets, he away took the money and my biros.
"Oya, the two of you. Follow me to the staff room. You will explain this Super story that you are both acting in my class"
Mrs Ajani said.
As the whole class has paused to withness the scene played out by myself and Layi.
The staff room experience was a unique one. One which I would tell in further posts.
Thank you all for following these stories. If you have unique experiences which you want me to help you tell with a comedic flow, kindly inbox me.
OHH. Happy birthday to Bukola Opabisi.
I pray you increase in everything you do.